Douglass Barre’s

Sometimes it seems like the comic book companies don’t listen. I mean, after the huge failure of Blackwulf, Marvel just kept making comics! Despite the complete obscurity and pointlessness of Charlie Vickers, how many earthmen have DC given Green Lantern power rings to? It’s almost like these companies want to fail! Internet fandom is full of brilliant ideas and harsh criticism that these so-called “professional” editors want to ignore.

However, just like a Russian Facebook ad, these messages eventually break through.

No event in the history of mankind was as universally panned as the recent “Captain-America-as-Nazi” storyline that culminated in Marvel’s summer event series “Secret Empire.” Literally thousands of billions of readers decried Steve Rogers becoming a Hydra secret agent working to crush America from within. Writer Nick Spencer even went so far as to replace himself with a Life-Model Decoy in case his private information was doxxed. (It is important to note that “doxxing” is a term derived from the villainy of Brainiac, aka Vril Dox, who once put Lois Lane’s address and phone number on Ashley Madison in an attempt to drive Superman crazy with jealousy.)

At first Marvel misinterpreted the outcry, promising to cut back on company-wide crossovers for eighteen months. But it wasn’t the number of $4.99 tie-in books that had nothing to do with Steve Rogers that infuriated the hoi polloi (a term here which means “not the hoi polloi) but rather the politics of the change. In today’s America, we hate Nazis. We want to see characters driven far to the left, not the far right! No one who reads comics could believe that a xenophobic authoritarian could ever conquer our country, no how! No… the solution for Marvel wasn’t to end the crossover… it was to drastically alter a beloved character in a completely new and different wrong way!

Which brings us to this winter’s big crossover, Punisher: Thoughts and Prayers.

The shocking cliffhanger in this week’s Marvel Legacy title The Punisher: Back To School Special #4 (continuing the original numbering) reveals that Frank Castle, Vietnam veteran and scourge of the criminal underworld, is secretly working for a cabal of gun control advocates determined to rescind the second amendment!

This unexpected story continues in Punisher Armory #11 and Punisher v4 #5 (both continuing their series’ original numbering) before spinning out into the eight part monthly-then-bi-monthly core series Thoughts and Prayers. The Punisher goes on a massive false flag spree of gun violence in an attempt to convince legislators (including recently elected representative Spacker Dave) to pass restrictive gun control.

“We understand that people who were disenchanted with Nazi Captain America will probably just love Social Justice Warrior Punisher,” said Marvel editor Tom Brevoort’s evil twin Tim. “His battles with the National Revolver Association (a Marvel group that doesn’t parallel any real world organization, y’know, like Hydra) are going to establish Frank as one of the Marvel Universes most woke characters. And so topical, too… I mean, who would have thought that gun violence would be so prevalent in 2017?”

The series will be crossing over in twelve additional five part $5.99 series that we’re creating just for this event showcasing some of your favorite characters like Nightwatch, Woodgod, the Gargoyle, Ellie Dee, Street Poet Ray, Alpha, and the highly-hyped expected breakout character of 2018, Blackwulf!

If the success of Punisher: Thoughts and Prayers is as successful as editorial hopes, expect to see other great character reversals down the line, including Spider-Man: No Worries, Man and the long awaited Luke Cage: All Lives Matter.

%d bloggers like this: